The First Goodbye: How to Make Settling into Nursery or Daycare a Success

There is that one moment.

You are putting your child's shoes on in the morning.

Perhaps for the first time with the thought: Today, you are staying there.

And suddenly, everything feels right and wrong at the same time.

You are happy for your child.

You have a guilty conscience.

You are proud.

And your heart feels incredibly heavy at the same time.

If this sounds familiar: You are not alone.

Not necessarily.

For many children, tears are part of the settling-in process. First of all, they show that your child has a close bond with you. The deciding factor is not whether tears are shed, but whether your child can gradually build trust in their new caregivers.

Every settling-in period is as individual as the child themselves. Some children go on tours of discovery curiously, while others need a bit more time to build trust. Both are completely normal.

Many daycare centers and preschools today base their approach on the Berlin or Munich settling-in model. Both pursue the same goal: to build a secure relationship between your child and a new caregiver step by step, at their own pace.

At the beginning, you accompany your child into the facility. They get to know the new rooms, the daily routine, and the teachers—with you as a secure anchor by their side. Usually, you are only there for an hour or two at first so that the child can slowly get used to all the new impressions.

Eventually, the moment of the first short goodbye arrives. This is often an emotional step for children and parents alike. Usually, you start with a brief moment, e.g., going to the bathroom. No matter how long or short the time you leave the room, let your child know and say goodbye.

With each passing day, your child gains more confidence. Separation times slowly increase while the relationship with the new caregiver grows step by step.

While everyone talks about the child's settling-in period, one thing is often forgotten: For parents, too, a new phase of life begins during this time.

For the first time, you are leaving your child in the hands of others for extended periods. You hope that they feel comfortable, build trust, and are well-supported, while perhaps asking yourself if you are truly ready.

For many families, this moment also feels like a small goodbye—a goodbye to babyhood, to a phase in which you experienced almost every moment together. Suddenly, your child becomes a bit more independent and begins to discover their world without you.

Maybe you are looking forward to returning to work. Maybe you are sad because this intensive time together is coming to an end. Maybe you are even feeling both at the same time.

And that is completely normal.

Settling-in does not just mean that your child is building trust in a new caregiver. It also means that you are learning to give your trust. Trusting that your child can be safe, secure, and lovingly supported even without you.

Settling-in means a lot of new things all at once. That is precisely why small, recurring rituals can give your child orientation and security. They may not make the goodbye tear-free, but they make it more predictable.

✨ Packing the backpack together.
A small ritual can start at home: Pack your things for the day together. This way, your child is actively involved in what is about to happen.

✨ A heart that stays.
Draw a small heart on each other's hand in the morning. This way, your child carries a visible sign of your connection with them and can take a look at it when they miss you.

✨ Take something familiar with you.
A stuffed animal, a security blanket, or another familiar object can make the transition easier. A little piece of home that can provide security in the new environment.

✨ Your song for the way.
Always the same song on the way to daycare? Sounds like a small thing, but it can become a familiar anchor in the new everyday life.

✨ A clear goodbye.
Do not disappear secretly; say goodbye consciously. A short, reliable goodbye gives your child the chance to understand: You are leaving, and you will come back.

So many new things can sometimes involve small setbacks—a potty accident, wet clothes, or the next faucet adventure. That is why change of clothes belongs in the daycare backpack anyway. And for everything that comes home wet or dirty, our Wetbag is the more beautiful alternative to a plastic bag. 🩷

Settling-in takes time, and it looks different for every child. There might be tears, small setbacks, and days when saying goodbye is harder again.

And then more of the others will come: the days when your child walks in naturally, waves to you one more time, and has long since arrived in their own little daycare routine.

Until then: Trust, support, and give time. You will find your way. 🩷

Sources:
Federal Centre for Nutrition
Healthy eating from the start
European Academy of Allergy and Clinical Immunology (EAACI)